Shooting Stars and Satellites
by LilaacStars
Summary: He is the ghost in the room. Every memory of him haunts her, every little memory breaks her. She knows he is dead, what she doesn't know is that he is not gone...
1. VACANCY SIGNS

Percentages, life was full of percentages. It wasn't a thing you were thinking about every second of the day, but every second of the day was filled with percentages.

Percentages and probabilities were such a big part of life and no one ever gave them the importance they deserved.

Of course, when you were gambling, percentages and probabilities were all you could think about because those little yet insignificant terms were the only thing you could rely on when it come to gambling games. And thought you could try to manipulate them, try to use them in your favor, try to understand them, you never would be able to do so. Probabilities and percentages couldn't be tamed, they just were, and whoever who said they could was the biggest liar the world had known, cheating percentages wasn't the same as manipulate them, and in fact was only another percentage itself.

Life was a percentage itself. But who woke up thinking that? Only a little percentage o people did.

Adrien Agreste didn't belong to said percentage.

 **xx**

Have you ever stopped to think what makes a day different to another? Probably not, and why would you? There's no reason to do so.

Days pass and it's a new one every morning, yet you are stuck in the same routine that yesterday, and the day before and the day before that and probably years and years before. If you looked back probably every day looks the same, and that's not wrong, when the human world is build up in routines to follow there was no one else to blame but human nature.

True, there are little details that difference one day from another, you may find new information as the days pass, but they are still pretty much the same one to another. So what made a day memorable and other a completely waste of space for your mind? What were the reasons why something ended up being engraved on your mind and other things were erased just as easy as words written in the sand? There was no way to tell, not with little details at least.

But who lived thinking about what memory would be relevant on your future, who was constantly thinking about the little things in life wondering if the memory of them would change anything on the next days. Nobody did that, nobody had good reasons to do it.

Maybe if you knew something was going to happen, something big, life changing and obviously memory worth it then you would pay more attention to the little things, the little moments that may seem insignificant but that could mean the world one moment later.

But routine was such a strong force into the human world that the feeling of something so normal and recurrent made you brush off some of the things that could turn special. I mean after all it was something that happened every day, if you didn't appreciate today you could appreciate it tomorrow.

That's what routine does to you; you always think there's a tomorrow, because yesterday and today were the same, and the days before that too, then tomorrow obviously will be the same, right?

But tomorrow doesn't have the same percentage to exist as the days that are in the past, like and it doesn't have the same percentage to exist as the present, for obvious reasons. Then why do we think that way? Why do we take tomorrow for granted?

Routine.

No surprising since it's well known that routine is the enemy of time. People should have that on my mind; sadly they'll never will. People were consumed by routine.

Marinette was one of those people.

 **xxxx**

Adrien remembered perfectly everything about his morning, but somehow after that he didn't have much memory of the day…

The day started as it always did, with the beeping sound of his alarm coming from the speakers on his phone.

Adrien loved to sleep, he always did because he never really got the time, with such a strict schedule to follow and with acquired cat tendencies he enjoyed and treasured the sleeping hours he got.

Yet, difference to sleep lovers he didn't need more than one alarm to jump out of his bed, this had nothing to do with him being a morning person, something he was not, no, Adrien just knew that if he didn't go out of the bed at the first alarm he wouldn't be able to be out of bed in a million years, and he didn't want to face the rage of anyone in the Agreste's mansion just because he hadn't followed up his perfect schedule.

So he stood up from his bed, taking the covers and sheets with him making them fall to the floor. He rubbed his eyes as he made his way to the bathroom, to take a warm shower, one of his favorite moments of the day was this, he was alone in a safe warm place and no one was telling him what to do, and he hadn't smell cheese just yet. Just a perfect place to be.

He went out of the shower and brushed his hair in front of the bathroom mirror, took a basket full of creams and lotions for his skin care routine, he didn't need to shave that morning so he skipped that step. Once ready, he walked to the closet. Being son of one of the most influent and acclaimed fashion designer in the world meant that his closet was always filled with the best clothes money could buy, and while in the hangers you could find the most elegant suits, the fanciest jackets and the most exquisite hand knitted sweaters, Adrien always ended up picking up the first pair of clean jeans he could reach and a t-shirt, in the winter he picked up a sweater on a jacket too, but he never put much attention on what he was wearing, he wasn't good at fashion and he didn't want to, of course he knew about names and a few technical terms, but that was because he was drowned in fashion, it was impossible to not pick up a few things along the years, but his fashion sense was a nonexistent thing. If somebody else didn't buy and organize his clothes, he would probably end up in the most ridiculous clothes anyone could wear, and that probably would cause a heart attack on a good amount of people, his father and Marinette would be part of that group.

With a light pair of jeans, a white t-shirt with a little ladybug on the pocket of it, and a pair of black vans, Adrien was ready to start his day.

As he was used to, he woke up Plagg with a piece of camembert, waited for him to eat the whole triangle of smelly cheese and hided him on his bag, placing another wheel of cheese and a few cheesy crackers. With that taken care of Adrien went downstairs to the dining room, where as every morning was a plate with his breakfast. Fruits, a nice portion of scrambled eggs and just recently squeezed orange juice. To the side, a pack of vitamins and complements he had to take, he still didn't know why, his friends didn't take a salad of vitamins pill and they were just fine, anyways he was so used to it that he didn't think about it anymore.

He ate his breakfast as fast as Nathalie allowed him to, the faster he finished his breakfast the earlier he could go to school and that meant he had more time to chat with his friends before the bell rang.

As was usual when he went out of the car, he saw Nino waiting for him on the stairs and at his side Nathanaël, both of them waving at him with a smile on their mouths. Adrien waved back and joined them.

As odd as his group of friends was, he was the happiest guy in the world to have friends like Nath and Nino.

"Nice hairstyle, Adrien!" Nath exclaimed poking the little pony tail on his hair "Trying to be as handsome as me?" This time he brushed his own hair, showing his little bun.

"Couldn't do it, even if I tried" Adrien joked back and Nino laughed at his two friends.

Maybe three years ago this would be a strange situation for anyone in school, but as the years passed and Nathanaël joined the guys, he started to loosen up, showing the dashing personality he had been hiding, making him bond with Nino and Adrien because of the similarities they had.

They walked to the classroom and sat on top of Nino's and Adrien's desk as the chatted and joked around, a routine Adrien would never get tired of.

"Have you talked with Alya?" Nathanaël asked Nino, his sight pointed on the open door.

Adrien gave a look to the point Nath's eyes were focused, finding that Alya was outside, leaning on the bars of the stairs. He waved his hand to her, who had just caught his sight. She waved him back with a smile and stared at his phone once again, she was probably texting Marinette.

"No" Nino sighed "And I know what you are about to say, I know I have to talk to her if I want her back but I just can't, not now"

"How many times have you heard him say that?" Adrien asked Nathanaël

"I don't know, is a daily thing by now" The redhead shrugged

"Let me be, is not that easy, okay?" Nino pinched the bridge of his nose "I'll talk to her when I'm ready"

"When will that be? In the after light?" Adrien chuckled "Seriously, it's been a month already, you guys need to get back together"

"Stop it" Nino brushed him off, real anger showing on his eyes "You haven't date anyone, you guys don't understand… and you know how Alya is"

"Do you want me to talk to Marinette?" Adrien asked.

"I spoke to her yesterday" Nath said as he chewed a new piece of gum "She doesn't have much to say"

"Yeah, I doubt she will spill Alya's secrets" Adrien nodded "Do you have more gum?"

Nathanaël nodded, from his pocket he took a pack of gum and throw it to Adrien's hands.

The bell rang exactly at the same time it did every day, making the three friends jump out off the desk and get into his respective seats. The rest of the classmates that had been waiting outside entered. When Alix passed by their desks, she high fived the three guys as a greeting as she did every time she saw them.

After Alix entrance, Adrien could only wait for Kim to yell something at her before going to his own classroom. And there he was, screaming about a new bet the both of them had, Alix rolling her eyes and back clapping to every single word he said.

Adrien laughed and so did his friends, he was happy that he hadn't grown bored of them, in fact Adrien found fascinating how they managed to fight over something new every day.

Adrien loved school so much. Okay, it was boring sometimes, and homework wasn't fun but the whole experience, the whole routine was always so full of surprises and new events that Adrien couldn't help but smile every chance he got.

And that wasn't the only routine he loved, there was also another side of his life that he loved. Fighting crime wasn't exactly an everyday thing, but surely was a repetitive one and he enjoyed it so much. Every new experience he got into the job was something that made Adrien smile the rest of the day.

Also watching the girl you are in love being badass never got out of style.

After that it was more of the same, nothing abnormal so he couldn't place his finger in what had gone wrong.

 **xx**

The chances of Marinette waking up at the first beeping of the alarm didn't deserve any mathematic formula, in a 99% of the cases it was a big and bold: not going to happen.

Second beep? 20% of probabilities

Third beep? 55%

Fourth beep? 75% of probabilities

Fifth beep? 90%

Screaming Tikki telling her she was late? 100%

Marinette jumped out of her bed at the speed of light as she was used to.

You'll think that after the years Marinette would have gotten better, but that wasn't the case, the only thing she now did was planning her outfit for school the night before. Marinette loved fashion and she liked to look good at school. So on top of her divan there was a long summer dress in lilac and aquamarine tones. To go with it Marinette took white flat sandals, if she wasn't such a klutz she would wear a pair of high heeled sandals, but since she was and the changes of tripping in heels were a big 85% she chose the safer option.

Once she was ready she ran upstairs to catch the bag with food her mother probably had already left for her to pick up, the chances of Marinette were not even a probability anymore but a fact and instead of keep fighting them, Sabine had learned to live with them, helping Marinette out by picking and packing her breakfast.

Marinette took the bag with her; today it was heavier than other days. 50% chances for it being filled with croissants, 50% chances of what was inside was an apple. But 100% chances for the bag to have cookies, Marinette had made very clear that she couldn't live without chip chocolate cookies, and thought they weren't for her, she wasn't lying. She needed Tikki to be healthy and charged for her to be Ladybug and cookies made the job.

Marinette ran out of her house, crossed the street and made it into the school building. Alya wasn't waiting for her at the front which meant she was upstairs. 90% chances of Alya waiting for her outside Nino's classroom, as she had been doing for the last week. The other 10% was that she was in the bathroom.

Marinette smiled when she saw Alya on front of the door of the classroom. She ran to her, crossing an arm around her shoulders, surprising her in a hug.

"Good morning!" Marinette exclaimed

"Finally! We are late" Alya caught Marinette by her wrist and pulled her to her side as they walked to their classroom.

"You didn't spoke to him did you?" Marinette sighed

"He was busy" Alya shrugged, she was obviously lying.

"I'm 100% sure he would stop being busy if you asked him to talk" Marinette said as they entered the classroom.

"I'm telling you he was busy!" Alya repeated in between her teeth.

"Alya" Marinette rolled her eyes.

"Césaire, Dupain Cheng, if you are late at least make the favor to be quiet about it" The teacher said without turning around to them, still writing on the blackboard.

They sat on their desk in silence and picked up their things as the class continued. Marinette picked up a notebook and ripped a page of it, writing a note to Alya.

 _C'mon, Alya it's been a month, you can do this._

She placed the note closer to Alya so she could read it. Alya picked up her own pen as she frowned at the note.

 _C'mon Marinette, it's been years, you can do this… See? We both can play this game._

Marinette was caught by surprise with the note, Alya must be in a really, really bad mood if she had written that to her. She picked up her pen once again and wrote down.

 _M:Sorry… still I think you are waiting too long, what are you waiting for?_

 _A:For us to be dead_

 _M: Hahaha, you are so funny, Alya. I'm being serious, I spoke with Nath yesterday he says Nino wants to speak to you too._

 _A: Then why hasn't him?_

 _M: I don't know, why haven't you?_

Alya didn't gave an answer and Marinette stopped pushing, she knew if she did there was a 70% chances of them ending in a fight, and she didn't want that, and for sure Alya didn't need that right now.

Marinette sighed. She didn't like how days had been after Nino and Alya's breakup, she liked the way life was before that. It was nice and happy and predictable, unpredictable things were a big part of her other life and as familiar those things were, they still were abnormalities that she was getting tired to face day after day. Not that she hated to be Ladybug but sometimes she wished she could have a calm week, where she could live her predictable and peaceful school life without any surprises. Yet, since the breakup Marinette crossed her fingers for an akuma to happen, the tension between Alya and Nino was so palpable that she had only seen Adrien from afar these days, and thought they had texted, Adrien had been busy lately, as he usually was when the school year was ending.

Marinette gave a glance to Alya, she was still frowning. She sighed, the possibilities of this being a good pacific day had lowered from a 60% to a 30%. She was once again crossing her fingers for an akuma to happen, at least in that way Chat could make her laugh.

Those were Marinette's memories and probabilities of what could have happened that morning… after that everything was a blur.

 **xxxx**

There were a 100% of chances of Chat Noir making a pun of what Marinette had jut said. So when he didn't she knew something odd what happening.

She turned around trying to find him, he was supposed to be there, but he wasn't.

Ladybug ran to the end of the rooftop, trying to catch a glimpse of him running to her or leaning against one of the pipes walls as he sometimes did, but he wasn't there.

Where was that cat?

She had cast cataclysm and broke the antennas she had need to make her own lucky charm work. Then she had run to distract the akuma and Marinette had focused on assemble the weapon she had thought to defeat the akuma. She had used the weapon, she had called the cure, she had reverted all. The fight was over, why wasn't he there? They were supposed to bump their fits as they did every time, it was a ritual by now, not fight was finished if they didn't celebrate it.

So when she heard the screams she couldn't stop the fear that ran through her veins.

Ladybug ran guided by the screams and bustle of people who started to reunite in a circle. There were so many people, camera flashes blinding her on her way there, but she didn't need to see, she knew something was wrong, very, very wrong.

Marinette stared from above the circle when she saw him. Her brain didn't get to process the information when she was already screaming.

She jumped in the middle of the circle, trembling, tears starting to stream down her face as she sobbed. She covered her mouth with her hands to repress another scream but she only muffled, the pain was too much to stop her physical responses to it.

There in the middle of the circle of people, on the gray hot ground, lied a guy dressed in black leather and car ears, a blonde guy whose hair was now stained in red. Green eyes open with no life on them, no sign of blinking, and no sign of breathing.

Ladybug let herself fall at his side, knees hitting the ground making a horrible noise, that should have hurt a lot and yet it was like a scratch compared to the pain that her heart was facing.

It felt like someone had taken her heart on their hands, strangling them with all the strength they had, as if they were cutting her open without any dose of anesthesia. Being hit and thrown out of roofs into the ground hurt like hell, she had scars and bruises to prove it, but the ache she was living right now? Nothing was as hurtful as this was.

Marinette felt like she was drowning on her own tears, she tried to clean them up so she could focus her sight on Chat but they kept coming, as a broken faucet that couldn't be stopped.

She extended her hands and reached for a piece of his hair, long beautiful blonde hair that now was damped in blood. Her hand traveled to his neck, searching for his pulse, searching for hope. But as she should have expected nothing was throbbing on his neck.

Marinette lost it. She thrown herself to his unconscious body and hugged him tight, letting her tears fall on his chest. She could barely breathe thanks to the tears and the sobs, but Chat's body was muffling her sounds.

Marinette wasn't expecting this, not in a million years. She expected what she was used to, the old plain routine she loved. How stupid of her to think that winning was a granted thing for them. Marinette had never stopped to think how things could go for her and Chat Noir. She was so used to defeat the evil, so used to win that she completely forgot the risks they put their selves into. After all there was a 50% chances for them to be the winners, and a 50% chances for them to be the losers. She was so used to the good part of the percentages that she never stopped to think that there was another 50/50 in their lives. 50% says you live today, 50% says you die, why? 50% because they were two options and the odds were tied. But being a superhero it was to expect for those percentages to change. Why hadn't Marinette ever thought about that?

Why had she been so stupid?

Ladybug hadn't been paying attention to anything but Chat, so when she heard the beeping familiar noise, the other noises around her came back.

Everything was so loud, everyone was trying to watch what had happened and Marinette felt like she was about to puke. How morbid and disrespectful could people be? They weren't suppose to be here, this wasn't a movie, they weren't here to entertain them.

Marinette stopped hugging her partner, and kneeled once again. Taking a big breathe she stood up, ready to take Chat on her arms and take him far away from here, where no one could turn his death on a joke.

She kneeled to catch his body on her arms when a green light blinded her.

"No!" Marinette gasped but it was too late, displayed in front of her was the guy behind the mask.

She covered her eyes without even thinking about it. This wasn't how it supposed to go, this wasn't how they had agreed to reveal their identities. And thought Marinette didn't wanted to look, in between the just founded silence a scream made her uncover her eyes and focus on the person who was yelling

"Get the hell out of here!" Alya was screaming, phone in her hands as she brushed all the people out. Her eyes were full of tears and she was coming closer. "I already called an ambulance, Ladybug" She said in between sobs.

Marinette could count with the fingers of her hand how many times she had seen Alya cry, she knew how much Ladybug and Chat Noir meant to her but this was another level of love, which made Marinette look down to the dead boy.

Marinette's world stopped.

The broken pieces of her heart were now turning into dust. The world had just pulverized her.

This time the scream that came out of her mound was almost inhuman. A scream so raw and full of pain that everyone around them felt her ache, a scream that had muffled the sound of her earring.

"Ladybug…."Alya whispered at her, she was holding up her tears, trying to keep it together. Alya took Ladybug by her shoulders and made her look directly into her eyes "You are about to de-transform… I know how h-hard this is b-but you have to go"

It wasn't fair, she shouldn't have to go, she was supposed to stay by his side, holding him, keeping him safe, making him company till his family came for him. But she knew Alya was right, she hated that Alya was right.

Marinette kneeled by his side, struck pieces of his hair out of his forehead and left a kiss on his still warm skin. As she did that, without anyone noticing she took the ring out of his finger, closing her hand around it. She kissed his forehead one more time, then his cheek, going closer to his ears.

"I love you…" Those weren't words she meant as confession of love for him. She was in love with Adrien, you could ask anyone, but those three words weren't said with that intention. She genuinely loved him, as Adrien, as Chat, as her friend, she loved him so much and now he was gone "I will always love you, _minou_ "

Marinette caressed his cheek and closed his eyes, kissing his eyelids softly. Then she turned to Alya.

"Please take good care of him" She begged. She knew Alya would do anything to protect Adrien, but she needed to hear it.

"I promise" Alya nodded.

"I'll be back as soon as I can chaton "She waved at his corpse, she didn't know why but she had to do it" Bug out" And she was gone once again on the rooftops.

She didn't go that far when her transformation worn out. She was in a little street with only a few people around just minding their business, there she let herself fall apart, because she couldn't contain it any longer.

As tired as Tikki was she tried to help out Marinette, but Marinette just brushed her off every time.

Marinette wanted life to be as it had been a month ago, happy and predictable, warm and familiar, she wanted her routine back. She wanted to be able to appreciate the little things she had missed, she wanted to go back and collect more memories, no matter how insignificant they were, she wanted happy little details to fill their head, she didn't wanted this aching on her heart, she didn't want this pain on her body, she didn't want to remember this, but she knew she would, this was too big, this was too shocking, this wasn't a tiny bit of information on his day, this was going to become part of her daily life… maybe that's how the mind chose the memories…

Marinette didn't want these memories, Marinette didn't want this pain to become a routine on her day, but what were the chances of her forgetting about this? None, there was no way she could forget that Adrien Agreste, her Chat Noir had died.


	2. LADY IN BLACK

Rain is water that condenses from the aqueous vapor in the atmosphere and falls to earth in the forms of drops

Everyone knows that you don't need the definition of rain to know what rain is. And when it rains, people don't think of what rain really is, is something they already know. People don't think of the definition of the word, or what phenomenon of nature it is, people _feel_ the rain.

Rain can bring many feelings to a person.

Is true, there are people who don't feel anything when it rains, they just take the weather as it comes and they keep living their lives just as any other day. But there are two other groups of people.

The first one is a group of people who despise the rain.

Every time it rains their day turns as gray as the clouds crossing the sky, and their faces display frowns as they walk with their raincoats zipped to the top, with their umbrellas over their heads and their bags close to their bodies.

Then the second group is all the opposite, they are the people who love rainy days. People who don't understand why rain is called "bad weather" because hey, rain it is beautiful! You can go under it and feel the teardrops crash into your hair, your face. People who enjoy the teardrops rolling down their coats, their cheeks, and their boots; they love to play, dance and jump in puddles. People who stand in front of windows with a mug in hand and admire the drops falling from the sky. People who loved the smell of rain on any superficies, grass, pavement, it didn't matter. People who love the sound rain makes against their roofs, creating a singular and familiar melody.

Marinette belonged to the second group.

Since she was little, the rain had a special room in her heart. Rainy days were always good. Rainy days had a meaning for her.

Rainy days meant her mom would prepare her a big mug of her special recipe of hot chocolate, with wiped cream on top and pieces of chocolate.

Rainy days meant she would play video games with her dad. Rainy days meant long marathons of movies with Alya on the floor of the living room, wrapped in blankets, eating the baked goods that couldn't be sold at the bakery anymore.

Rainy days meant she could do a dancing session in her room, with Tikki flying around her. Rainy days meant new sketches, new winter designs, new clothes.

Rainy days meant transforming into Ladybug and challenge Chat Noir on a race on top of the rooftops... rainy days meant Adrien.

She would always connect the rain with Adrien. She would always see his tender green eyes on her mind when it started raining, she could hear his laugh when the teardrops crashed on her roof. Her mind would replay the image of a fifteen-year-old Adrien Agreste offering his umbrella to her. She had the vivid picture of drops of water falling down his hair, running down his cheek and passing on top of his lips. The white shirt turning transparent, and adjusting to his body. His cheeks turning redder thanks to the cold, and how tense his body had been as he waited for her to take the umbrella.

Rain meant Adrien, Adrien meant rain. And it was a horrible irony of the world to throw a thunderstorm on the day of his funeral.

What a bitter word.

A word that always had had a meaning. A word that she could throw on sentences without thinking it twice, she could even throw it into jokes. A word that had a meaning but nothing more, a word that in only two days had changed. It wasn't just a meaning anymore, now it had a feeling attached to it.

Pain, misery, ache, emptiness… those words were only a start.

Marinette had never felt like this before. She could feel her heart breaking, she could feel the shatters cut down on her chest. She felt like she had open wounds and someone was pouring salt on them. She felt all her body hurt. She felt too much.

She thought she couldn't be able to feel anything; she thought the world would disappear now that he was gone, but it was the opposite. The world was bolder and louder, the world was reminding her that he was gone.

It was raining… it was raining just like on the day of his funeral. It was raining again… it hadn't stopped raining in days.

It was raining…. Just like Marinette's eyes were.

She didn't know how her body still had the energy to keep creating tears. She cried all day and all night, she had little breaks on the day, while she ate or slept, but the rest of the day her eyes were a broken sink.

"Marinette…" Tikki whispers in her ear.

Marinette turns her head to watch the little kwami. She doesn't say a word to her, she doesn't have to ask what she wanted, she knows already.

She sighs; she cleans the tears dropping from her eyes and walks away from the window where she had been admiring the rain.

She starts walking, but she walks slowly, her body is too heavy. Her sorrow is an annoying and uncomfortable host to her body, the weight is too much for her tiny body to handle, and with such little energy it's hard to move, so when she does, she is slow.

Her steps make a harsh sound against the wooden floor, but it is a nice sound for her to hear. It is different from the sound her feet make when she drags them against the wood, it is a better sound because it handles more energy with it, something that Marinette misses.

She makes it to her vanity, where the mirror reflects a girl who shouldn't be up, a girl who wishes she could avoid reality until the end of her life. The reflection of a broken hearted soul who wishes could stay in bed forever, who wishes she could go back in time to never feel like this again. It also shows a girl with a rational side and said rational said knows is time to face real life.

Marinette takes the hairbrush and starts brushing her deep dark hair in slow strokes, twisting the ends with her fingers and taking longer than necessary on her basic routine.

When she stops brushing she looks at the reflection in the mirror, finding a smile from her kwami.

Tikki has been trying to cheer her up every day, but nothing works so now she only smiles, hoping that would at least help Marinette to calm down.

Marinette smiles back, she only holds the little fake smile for a second, but that's enough to make Tikki smile brighter. It didn't last long, and it wasn't a good smile, but it's the first time Marinette tries, and that counts more than anything.

Marinette runs her fingers through her hair one last time, thinking if she should tie her hair up, wondering if she should put on makeup.

She decides to leave her hair down, but takes a hair tie and puts it on her wrist, just in case she needs it.

One more look at the mirror and she conclude that she does need makeup.

She takes a bar of concealer, she doesn't have much energy to put on makeup –something she really liked to do- but she knows it is necessary, the bags under her eyes _need_ to be covered, is not because she is vain, is because she doesn't want to worry anyone more than they already are. She also decides to apply a little bit of lipgloss on her lips, the red lipgloss Chat Noir bought for her a year ago. " _It reminded me of you"_ the memory of words rings in her head.

Marinette touches her lips, running her index finger across them, touching the sticky texture on her lips. It is a ridiculous thing to do, but she can't help herself; it is something related to him.

She needs him today, more than ever, but she can't have him, so the best next thing is any object that is bonded to him.

Like the black hoodie waiting for her on her divan.

She doesn't remember how she ended up with the hoodie, only that she had acquired the piece of clothing the day before his death.

She had teased him about him never getting the hoodie back; that she was going to keep it forever. _Oh_ , the irony.

Marinette sighs again.

She can't count how many times she has sighed in the last five minutes, it feels like it is the only thing she does, well besides crying.

"Marinette…" Tikki says her name softer than she has ever said it before. Her voice is as sweet as milk and as soft as silk. "It is time to go… I know how hard it is to go on with your life, but you have to. I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but I can't lie to you… I can't tell you everything will be fine because is not going to be, but it is time." Tikki sighs "Alya promised to pick you up and it will be Nino's first day back too, you'll have them and you'll have me, I won't leave your side and I will listen to you if you need to talk"

Marinette looks at her kwami's eyes; she can see the worry on them and the love for her. So instead of ignoring her or answering just with a nod of her head, she decides is time to speak to Tikki, she deserves it.

"Thank you, Tikki"

And those are the first words Marinette has said in a week.

She hasn't spoken with anyone since that day. Not a single word has come out of her lips. Not when Alya told her the bad news, not when her parents hugged her as she cried, not when Alya tried to drag her to the funeral, not during lunches, not during Alya's visits; not a single word had escaped Marinette's lips until now.

Tikki kisses her cheek, and Marinette is grateful that she doesn't keep talking. She knows is time, it doesn't matter if she is not ready. If it was for her being ready to face reality, then the time to do it would never come.

She walks to her divan and takes Adrien's hoodie in her hands. She pulls it closer to her nose and sniffs the scent on the neck of it. It smells like Adrien's perfume, fresh and sweet at the same time. She hugs the hoodie close to her body before putting it on. A piece of Adrien is here today, even if he is not.

With the hoodie on, she is ready to go.

Marinette goes for her bag, lying on top of the desk. When she takes it, the swift move drops a jar with pens that hit the box on its side.

Marinette's heart stops when she sees the box bounce out of the desk. She jumps to catch it before she has time to analyze the situation.

She drops to the floor, hitting her stomach and chest against the floor, the hit is harsh and it hurts, but Marinette doesn't care, the box is on her hands and that's all that matters.

"Marinette are you okay?!" Tikki asks worriedly.

"Yes" Marinette answers, not paying much attention to her.

Her eyes are fixed on the hexagonal box.

"Tikki…I didn't see his kwami that day…" Marinette's words came out of their mouth slowly shaking.

"Plagg hid as fast as he could, you couldn't have seen him, Marinette" Tikki answered. Her voice was gentle and sweet, but not in the normal tone Marinette was already familiar with, there was something softer on her words.

" _Plagg_ … he must miss him, huh?" Marinette opens the box with caution. She expects for a bubble of light to appear in front of her eyes, just like the time she had opened the box for the first time. But nothing happens, she only sees a black ring with a green paw on it.

"Yes, but he won't tell you that" Tikki says "He won't appear in front of you, you are not his chosen"

Marinette takes the ring between her thumb and her index finger, rolling it in between them.

It is heavier than she thought it would be and softer than it looked. The black material of what it was made reflected the light almost as a diamond would, and just as a diamond it felt indestructible.

Marinette stops playing with the ring.

She looks at her left hand and then at the ring again. Her sight drifts from one to other multiple times until she decides to go along with the thought that has appeared on her mind.

Carefully she puts on the ring, watching the piece of jewelry turn from black to silver and back to black, and then she see the light, a bright lime green light.

From the ring jumps a black kwami, it's the same size as Tikki but instead of antennas he has cat ears, and his eyes are not blue but deep green. _Just like Chat's_ , she thinks, _maybe that's why his eyes changed._

"Hi, Plagg" Marinette welcomes him. "I'm Marinette, I

"I know who you are" Plagg says in a plain tone. "The princess has finally decided to let me out of my prison"

"Plagg!" Tikki shouts at him.

"I'm sorry" Marinette apologizes. She wants to apologize for so much more than she can express at this moment. She wants to apologize but it is not the time, so she ignores the nauseous waves on her stomach that her guilt is spreading . She ignores it and she speaks again. "I'll make it up to you… what do you eat?"

"Cheese. _Camembert_ " He answers.

"I don't think we have camembert" Marinette says "But we may have a few cheese Danishes, would that be okay?"

Plagg has his little hands tangled in front of him. His eyes study Marinette from head to toe before answering to her. Marinette sees how something sparks on his cat eyes.

"Yeah, that will do" He nods "Are you going to school, princess?"

"Yes" She says back, ignoring how Plagg is calling her princess.

"I would like to go" Plagg says to her. It doesn't sound like a request, it is more as he was ordering her to take him.

"You'll have to share space with Tikki" Marinette tells him at the same time she opens her back to show him where he is going to be hiding. "Can I take the ring off? You are not going to disappear, right?" Marinette knew that if she didn't want Tikki to go back to the earrings, she wouldn't go back, but she didn't know anything about Chat's miraculous. It could work differently.

Plagg nods and jumps inside of the bag.

Tikki keeps quiet. Marinette can see something is bothering her but she doesn't ask. There're enough things to worry about and she won't add another one to the list, no matter how selfish does that make her.

 **xx**

Alya is quiet, and Marinette is grateful for it.

Quiet is not a word you use to describe Alya so the fact that she is in complete silence now it is something Marinette wasn't going to forget, mostly because she was doing it for her.

Alya had visited Marinette along the week, trying to speak to her so she could talk back, trying to convince her to go to Adrien's funeral, but it hadn't work. She had given up on it two days ago. Marinette thought maybe once they were back in school she would try again, but that wasn't the case.

Nino is quiet too, but it is a different kind of quite. While Alya's silence is comforting and a jut the right amount of awkward, Nino's silence is the loudest shout of pain anyone could ever hear.

It is the same quiet as Marinette.

It is the kind of quiet everyone can notice and yet everyone ignores. That's what people were doing.

Marinette is not mad about people avoiding them; she wouldn't know what to do either. And they are not paying attention to them anyways.

Nino, Alya, and Marinette are standing in front of the girls' classroom, leaning against the wall, waiting for the class to start. Marinette and Nino are looking at the closest window, not paying attention to anything else. Still, Marinette can feel Alya's sight on them.

Marinette was trying to hold her tears as she looked through the square window.

Raindrops crash against the glass.

Thunder echoes down the hall.

Lighting cuts across the sky, making shadows on the wall.

And Marinette's heart breaks a little bit more….

Did it really have to rain today? _Again?_

Marinette wants it to be a sunny day, with nice temperatures; she wants a blue sky, only a few clouds on it. Marinette didn't want rain; Marinette doesn't want her happy memories to keep being destroyed.

"Thank god is raining" Nino whispers, breaking the silence that not even Alya had been brave enough to break.

Marinette can't cope with that. _Thank god is raining? What the hell is Nino saying? IT SHOULDN'T BE RAINING!_

"I know" Alya agrees. "It helps"

"How?" Marinette asks under her breath, surprising her best friend.

"It is like nature is mourning him too" Nino answers "If it was sunny I… I feel like… He was…I don't know how to put it into words, M"

Marinette nods.

She bites her lip as hard as she can, trying to trick her brain into concentrate on that pain that the one in her heart.

"I don't think I can do this" Marinette whispers to Alya. When she says it she doesn't look at her, she is too busy looking at the ring on her hand.

"We have to" But is not Alya who answers, is Nino. "Adrien wouldn't like for us to stop living"

Marinette opens her mouth to speak, but she stays there, static.

"It's true, Mari" Alya softly takes her from her shoulders. "Adrien wouldn't like to see you like this, Adrien wouldn't like to see any of us sad… we have to try, for Adrien"

The bell rings and they see Nino's teacher enter the room, which means that their teacher is next.

"For Adrien" Marinette repeats.

Nino and Alya nod to her and give little smiles.

They start walking to the classrooms. Alya stops on their door only to say goodbye to Nino, giving him a kiss on his cheek. Nino smiles at it.

Marinette knows they haven't fixed their problems, but it's nice to see them together. Adrien would have liked to see this.

She looks at the ground, trying to keep her composure.

"Mari" She feels Alya's hand trying to take hers "I'll be there, I promise… You can do this, if not for yourself, for Adrien, remember?"

"For Adrien" She says one more time. And really low so Alya can't hear her she whispers "For Chat"

 **xx**

Death sucks.

Adrien never thought death would be something entertaining or nice, but death really, really sucked. Mostly because it was boring, there was nothing to do but stare at a death point. Ha! A pun… yeah he had made a dozen of those in the last ten minutes.

Adrien couldn't believe this was the afterlife. It was like that time when an akuma had trapped him in another dimension with nothing around him. Okay, wrong, he had been with Chloé, and in all honesty, he missed her.

If Chloé was here then he could talk to someone. His life –or well, his death – had reduced to black backgrounds and silence. It was boring, frustrating and irritating. He was going insane, and he couldn't do anything about it. There was no escape; there was nothing he could do to fix the situation.

Was the rest of his life –well, death- going to be like this?

The answer was no, but Adrien didn't know that, not until that day.

Dead people didn't sleep, but Adrien liked to pretend. He closed his eyes and tried to keep them closed and pretend to sleep for as long as he could until it got boring.

Today as he was in the middle of the game something changed, making him pop his eyes open immediately. Which wasn't a good choice, cause the light struck him and left him blind for a few seconds.

Instead of complaining, Adrien stood up from the ground and started jumping.

Light! There was light!

And what was that? There were sounds!

Steps on stairs, whispers of voices, the sound of rain falling on top of rooftops, birds singing, oh so many different noises!

Adrien rubbed his eyes, trying to adapt to the light he opened his eyes slowly this time.

The first thing he noticed was the spot of painting on the roof. And that was enough to know where he was.

Adrien stood up from the floor, realizing he was in the middle of the classroom. He didn't expect for anyone to see him, he was dead, he was a ghost, no one should be able to see him.

Well and no one will because the room is empty.

Adrien looks at the clock on the wall and the bare classroom makes sense, is recess time.

Adrien wastes no time –not that he has much to lose –and runs outside. He needs to find his friends. He needs to see how they are dealing.

He had been wondering for days how they were doing. He didn't want them to mourn him, but he knew that was an impossible wish to have, knowing his friends they weren't doing okay.

He knew that Nino was not doing well. When Nino was worried he wasn't able to sleep, he got easily irritated and he put on his headphones and disconnected from the world. He didn't want to see Nino in bad shape, it was enough to see him suffer over the breakup with Alya and now Adrien had died, he couldn't believe he was putting more pain in his friends' life. And talking about Alya, she was probably sad too, and Mari! And Nathanaël!

God, why did he have to die? Why couldn't he stay alive? Then he wouldn't hurt the people he cared the most.

Adrien ran across the second floor, he went to the library and searched all around it. He ran downstairs and he ran across the field trying to find his friends. But they were nowhere to be found.

Adrien stood in the middle of the field, looking to every direction, trying to think where they could be when the sight of a red bun ran across his eyes.

In the second floor, Nathanaël was walking towards Marinette and Alya's classroom.

"Of course!" Adrien said and changed directions, running upstairs. "This would be easier if being a ghost was as cool as it is portrayed in movies"

The good thing was that he didn't get tired of all the running, at least that was a plus of being dead.

He entered the classroom, and finally, he saw his friends.

Nathanaël was sitting next to Nino, none of them is smiling, and that's an odd look for them. Nathanaël looks like his old self, like when he sat in the last row of the class and slept through every lesson. Nino looks like he hasn't slept in decades –something that doesn't surprise Adrien, he knew he was going to look like this –his eyes are stained in red and his under eyes circles are prominent, a rare thing thanks to the color of his skin. He is also skinnier and that's not a good look on him.

"Nino" Alya's voice interrupts Adrien's thoughts.

Alya looks like she always does, for someone who doesn't know her. But Adrien knows her and while he can't put his finger on it, there's something missing in her, that little spark that makes Alya shine as bright as a constellation, that something that makes Alya as loud as festival, that little something, is gone. And he knows is his fault.

"Yeah?" Nino asked back to Alya.

Adrien is glad that they are talking, but he can see that things between them are not quite right, not yet.

"Do you want something to eat? I'm buying Marinette a cereal bar…"

"No, nothing, I'm fine"

"Sure?" Alya crooked an eyebrow at him.

"Sure" Nino nodded.

"Okay" Alya says. Then she turns back to Nathanaël, but she doesn't ask him if wants something. She only looks at him and then points out at Nino and at the back of the room.

Adrien sight follows Alya's hand, stumbling into the body that she's pointing at.

Because that's what he is looking at, it's just a body because the girl who that body belongs to can't be the girl he thinks she is.

He could have focused on many details of Marinette. She was slimmer, just like Nino she had undeniable dark circles under her eyes, her eyes were as red as his best friends. Oh, there were so many things to point out that showed Marinette's pain, but Adrien couldn't look at anything but her eyes.

Cerulean eyes that used to shine in excitement, eyes that were always sparkling with vitality and joy; a pair of eyes that Adrien always thought were beautiful, a pair of sapphires that inspired him calm. Those eyes that Adrien liked so much were now empty.

It was like looking at a broken doll. Marinette's porcelain skin and red lips were still there, but all the little details and beautiful things that made her and the extraordinary person was no longer there.

Marinette was as dead as Adrien was.

 **xx**


	3. DIFFERENT NAMES FOR THE SAME THING

It is said that grief has five stages.

It is said that these five stages are universal, that any person who has lost someone has come through these same five stages.

But can a feeling as complex be categorized? After all, it comprises a million of different emotions that crashing, overlapping and mixing together.

And how can every single person who has faced the decease of a loved one feel the same way when people are so different are relationships are not always similar one to another. How is it possible that they all go through the same states?

There are five stages of grief.

Grief…. Such a complex feeling, a sensation of lost empty roads that you can't escape of, it involves an emotion so consuming and devastating that let you stand on your feet only for a few seconds before you felt tired again.

That feeling had been categorized; someone had dared to categorize it and Adrien couldn't believe it; not when years ago a psychologist had explained to him every single one of those stages, trying to make him understand that what he was feeling, after losing his mother, was normal; and he didn't believe it now.

You couldn't put emotions in boxes and give them a label with a specific definition on it, not when what you were feeling was too big and abstract to fit in a box. It had been hard to understand when he was feeling sad and his heart was leaking pain through its cracks, he had denied the existence of those stages a million times, because all he could see was the red anger and the grey solitude of mourning; but when you watched if from afar, grief _did_ have five stages.

As Adrien watched the people he loved he realized they went through them, at a different pace but all of them could fit in one, ones more than the others, but they were inside of them.

In the first stage, the stage of denial and isolation, his father reigned in a kingdom of silence and liquid poison.

The memory of his father had returned to him moments after watching Marinette. If she looked like a broken porcelain doll, sad eyes, a cracked smile, completely lifeless; he didn't want to know how his father was dealing with his death.

But his imagination was playing scenarios inside of his mind as a 24/7 circus ready to entertain whoever paid attention to it. So he chooses to go and see things as they were, only to have a real image of what his father was going through and not an imaginary world where things could be so much worse.

He remembered how his father had reacted after his mother's death, but had kept it together for him. He put on a façade and stepped away of personal life, drowning in work. He grew to be a cold version of the man Adrien loved, but a man who had put him first even when he wasn't aware of it.

Adrien left school and running, fastest that he had ever run when he was alive, in the direction to his father's headquarters. He had been sure that his father was going to be inside of his office, a thousand papers on top of his desk, fabrics on the floor and samples on the wall. Mannequins around him with needles and strap, ready to make another design, probably the fourth on that day. It had been like there years ago.

But his father wasn't there.

Adrien couldn't understand how his father could be at home, he barely let Adrien stay inside of the house when his mother passed away, they were traveling around the globe while Gabriel worked, staying far, far away from any place that could spark a memory. However, no matter how many theories Adrien tried to come up with for his father not to be at work, the simplest and the one he kept refusing had been the reality of Gabriel's situation.

He was at home and Adrien wished he hadn't been there.

When he stepped into the house, nothing looked different, things were at their place, the light entered through the windows at the right angle, the floors were clean and the smell of fresh lavender swirled around the front door as it always did, and yet Adrien knew something was wrong.

The house was always quiet, but it had never been a silent place. You could hear the steps of the staff who worked cleaning the house, the doors of the kitchen's shelves opening and closing, their personal chef chopping vegetables on the counter, Nathalie's tic-tac produced by her kitty heels and the sound of her phone as it vibrated against the fabric of her blazer.

Right now, no sound echoed through the big walls and the long corridors.

Adrien stood in the middle of the hall, wondering what to do next for about ten minutes but for him, they seemed to be just seconds. He couldn't perceive it yet, but the world seemed to move faster around him.

Finally, after thinking about it, he decided to go to his father's home office. He couldn't imagine any other place in the house where he could be.

This time he was right.

Gabriel Agreste, famous and renamed designer, the man who kept a cold façade and stood like he was a god on earth in front of the simple mortals who acclaimed him. The man who loved his son over all things, even if it was hard for him to demonstrate, that man, was lying in the middle of a dark room.

The curtains were closed and so were the windows, and that was the reason why the whole place reeked of strong expensive liquor. There were bottles of the finest alcohol brewages around the room, some of them were empty, others only half finished or dripping from the bottles to the carpets.

Bottle weren't the only things on the ground, there were also sketchbooks and pencils around, broken glass from what Adrien believed to be the expensive flower pot his father had in the room and that he had always taken care of.

The room was a mess just like the man who had caused the disaster on it.

Nathalie was nowhere to be found, but the plates of unfinished food around the main table and the fact that the entire mansion wasn't a wreck were enough proof, she was still around, managing the house and keeping his father's life together… but that was impossible.

The scene he had in front of his eyes could have been mistaken for photography more than a motion picture because the only move in the room was the ups and down of Gabriel's chest in an arrhythmic breathing tempo, this was also the only proof of his vital state.

Watching the scene in front of his eyes was painful, it made him cringe and thought he couldn't feel his body as he used to when he was alive, it was like nails and pointy objects were cutting through his skin, shiver crawled on his skin and he found himself pulling his hair.

The misery of his father made him want to die once again.

Instead of running away and escape from the unsettling and devastating feeling that was taking power over him, he stayed in the room. Besides, he had nowhere left to go, he wasn't supposed to be still on earth, right? He should be somewhere else, in one of the many other places religions spoke about, or to the beginning of a new circle, or just somewhere else that wasn't here where he could not only feel but _see_ the pain of his death.

He sat on one of the corners of the room, away from his father but still with his sight on him, looking over him. He wouldn't be able to do anything to help him if something happened to Gabriel, but he felt better by looking at him. It wasn't a nice view, but maybe, just maybe his father could feel his presence and that would help him to move on.

 **xx**

Adrien only realized that a week passed by because of Nathalie.

Her constant visits to his father's office, taking away the untouched food and placing new plates of hot and healthy food on the table. She ordered the staff to clean up the mess of the room and every time, just before leaving, she tried to talk to him, only to be rejected with awful screams from his barely conscious father.

Those were the only things that helped Adrien to have a track of time, because if it had been for his perception and the -non-existent- activity of his father, he could have sworn it had been only three days.

There she was again, picking up from the floor the flowers she had brought yesterday.

Adrien was waiting for her to say something so his eye followed across the room. He was still sitting in the same place where he sat one week ago. His body –or whatever he could call his form at this point- wasn't tired and he didn't felt uncomfortable after days of not moving. He was another object in the room, the only object Gabriel hadn't tried to destroy in the pass of the week.

"Gabriel" Nathalie called.

Adrien never, ever, ever had heard Nathalie call his father by his name, but apparently Nathalie had lost her patience two days ago because she didn't try to be nice anymore when she approached him, she didn't start with a nice tone of voice or sweet words –well, as sweet as Nathalie could be-. Not anymore, she was direct and the frown on her forehead didn't leave her face.

Gabriel didn't answer.

He was sitting on a chair at the head of the table, in his hand a half filled crystal glass of white wine was getting warm. Gabriel Agreste didn't like white wine, but Adrien had noticed yesterday that it had been the last bottle of alcohol in the house. He was hoping that once that bottle was empty, Gabriel would stop with the drinking and focus once again on his job. He didn't have to go back to the office, he could do it all from here, but Adrien just wanted him to stop drinking. Alcohol brought up the worst of Gabriel, Adrien wished he could erase the images he had seen this week, but they were imprinted in his mind and there was nothing left to do. He had memories of his father screaming, breaking things, pushing and kicking furniture. He had images of his father crying and screaming, asking for Adrien to come back home.

"Gabriel" Nathalie repeated, this time she managed to call his attention.

"Is he back, Nathalie?" Gabriel spoke for the first time in days. His voice was croaky and the words smashed into one and other.

"He won't be back, Gabriel" Nathalie answered. Her voice didn't have any signs of sadness on it, in fact, it didn't have any emotion attached. But everything that hadn't been expressed in those words was being portrayed on her eyes. Nathalie was about to cry.

"He will… I could—

"Adrien is gone" Nathalie interrupted sharply "I'm extremely sorry, and just as you I wish he was here with us, but that won't happen, Gabriel"

"He'll be back" Gabriel assured.

Trembling and using the table as support, Mr. Agreste stood up from the chair. It took him a few seconds to concentrate all his strength on his leg and start moving, walking in Nathalie's direction.

"He will be back!" Gabriel shouted in Nathalie's face.

Adrien couldn't take it anymore. Staying here watching his father suffer… it was pure masochism. Watching him scream to Nathalie with so much rage, fearing that he would hurt her wasn't what he wanted to remember from his father. He had to go.

 **xx**

Adrien paced across the city, watching people walk by without seeing him. He had to admit it was nice to walk through crowded Paris without being recognized… if only the situation had been a little different, maybe he would really enjoy it.

With nowhere left to go, he headed back to school. He hadn't been there for a week now and he wanted to see how his friends were dealing.

After seeing them a week ago, he wasn't expecting to find them singing and dancing around in a field of flowers. One thing Adrien had realized after years of friendship was that he was loved, and it was only logical that those people who loved him to keep mourning him.

He expected them to be down, not depressed or on the border of tears, not like… not like Marinette a week ago.

He expected multiple scenarios, but deep in his heart, he wished for them to be trying.

That's not what he found. Right, when he entered his old classroom he stumbled with the second stage of grief: anger. And the person who was on that stage was the last person Adrien imagined could be stuck inside of it.

He could see Nino and Nathanaël looking at Marinette and Alya. Nino's arms were crossed in front of his chest, he was frowning and there was no sign of his loyal red cap, which made things look way worse for Adrien. Nathanaël, at his side, looked uncomfortable.

"Can you just not disappear like that?" Alya begged with a smooth voice. She took one piece of Marinette's hair and left it behind her ear.

"I'm sorry…" Marinette answered, her words trembling "I had something to do…"

"You always have something to do, Marinette" Nino spat out. "Just admit that you are running away"

"I'm not" Marinette gave a little jump, taking a step further to Nino.

"You are! We are all trying here except you!" Nino took a step forward too, making Marinette tense up.

"Don't talk to her like that, Nino" The way Alya said that, was so different from how Alya really was. Her voice was soft and fragile like she was afraid of hurting something. "We are all friends here, we just need to talk—

"TALK?!" Nino laughed ironically "Yeah, that's your strength right, Alya? Talk"

"Nino…" Nathanaël said under his breath. He placed one hand in front of his chest and pushed him back to his place.

"Do not!" Nino shook him off "The only reason she is talking to me is because of this fucked up situation that we are living! She wouldn't even look at me two weeks ago and now she pretends nothing happened!"

"She is not pretending, Nino" Marinette stepped up for her best friend "It's not the moment, things are hard… Adrien died and…

"YES! ADRIEN DIED!" Nino's fury couldn't be ignored. His face, oh, Adrien had never seen Nino's eyes injected with such heavy poison, he hadn't seen his body so tense, ready to hit the first thing that presented on his way.

Adrien, unconsciously, walked closer, trying to put himself in the middle of his best friend and Marinette.

"And you, Marinette!" Nino pointed a finger at the girl "You act like you are the only one who lost him! Oh, look at me I'm so sad my crush died!" He shouted at her face.

"Nino!" Nathanaël did what Adrien couldn't. He placed himself in front of Marinette, giving her his back "Enough, this isn't you!"

But Nino didn't listen. The pain was so consuming that he couldn't feel anything but it, he could only think of his own feelings because he couldn't share them with anyone. He couldn't talk to his family, his parents treated him like a lost case and the times his sister had tried to talk to him she looked nervous, making Nino not want to talk to her. He couldn't talk to Alya, things were still awkward because of their last fight, the reason for the breakup, still hanged in between them. He had tried to talk to Nathanaël but it didn't felt right. And when finally he had found a person whom Nino believed loved Adrien as much as him, she wasn't there for him. Marinette was a body without a soul, she went to class but it would have been the same if she had stayed home. Just like him, Marinette only could focus on her own pain.

"I was his best friend! We actually shared something!" Nino shouted, "You act like you are a widow, but you never even told him how you fell!"

"I…"

"You say you love him. You act like you lost the love of your life" Nino took a deep breath "YOU DIDN'T EVEN GO TO HIS FUNERAL, MARINETTE! YOU DIDN'T SAY GOODBYE TO HIM AND THEN YOU—

"Sit down, Lahiffe!" A new voice irrupted in the fight. It was strong and determinate, and it had been the only voice able to shut Nino.

Adrien stopped looking at Nino for the first time during the whole fight, just to look at the girl who had entered the classroom.

Chloé was in the middle of the corridor, looking at the four friends. She stood there, head high, perfect hair and makeup on point as always. Her hair was on a cascade braid that made her look older than she was, she seemed so mature in contrast to the fighting group of friends.

"Your angry, we are all angry," Chloé said between her teeth "But you don't get to scream to Marinette like that. She is dealing with this in her way, let her do it"

"Running away is dealing with it?" Nino crooked a brow. If he hadn't been hurting so much, he would have looked entertained by Chloé's behavior.

"We all mourn differently. Have you seen me cry?" She asked but didn't let him answer "No, you haven't but I bet you don't have the guts to tell me that I'm not hurting, that I don't miss my _oldest_ friend"

"Chloé" Marinette arranged to say.

"Not now, Dupain-Cheng" Chloé lift a warning finger at her. "Put yourself together, Nino. This horrible person you are portraying right now, it isn't you, it's the pain speaking… Adrien wouldn't like to see you like this"

Nino pressed his lips together and his hands turned to fists. His eyes began to glitz with upcoming tears.

"Let's go, Nino" Nathanael passed one arm over his friend's shoulder, bringing him closer to him. Then he guided him outside the classroom.

The three girls were left behind.

Marinette, just like Nino, was on the border of tears. Chloé's face was impossible to figure it out, Adrien had never seen her face so… emotionless. At her side, Alya was all the opposite, her face was displaying and changing to every possible emotion.

"Thanks, Chloé" Marinette whispered.

"You owe me big" Chloe huffed "Next time do it yourself, I won't be around all the time. Maybe eat a little something a put energy on your system so you can shout back"

Marinette gave a little-amused smile that Chloé wasn't able to see because she was walking out of the room.

Adrien gave a big grin, looking at the blonde disappear. He was proud of her, he had been for a while. She had grown to be a better person these three years; she was still Chloé but the best version she could be. She had shown that now, especially those words to Marinette, it was her way to say that she cared.

Adrien followed Marinette and Alya closely. And while the reason why he was doing it was because of how skinny and sad Marinette looked, he kept his eyes on Alya, too afraid to come to false conclusions over Marinette's state.

The girls were in complete silence walking down the hallways, unusual behavior for those two who were always chitchatting and laughing around each other.

Adrien knew this was his fault, he wasn't being egocentric but sadly that was the truth.

"I'm sorry I couldn't defend you" Alya whispered, breaking the silence between them.

"Oh, 'Lya" Marinette stopped and turned to her best friend, wrapping her arms around her "It's fine"

"It's not!" Alya said in a drowned shout "Chloé had to step in and help you out. Of all people, Chloé defended you and I couldn't do it. I should have done something, anything"

"You tried and—

"That's not enough, Marinette" Alya gasped "It's not enough…"

Adrien shook his head in disappointment. He couldn't escape them, could he? Right in front of him, Alya was the living definition of the third stage of grief _, bargain._

 _While he had never expected_ to find Nino in the stage of anger, it wasn't surprising that Alya was going through this stage, it went well with her personality.

Alya was the kind of person who liked to have things under control, the one who thought everything could be planned and analyzed. She was organized and a natural leader, she was charismatic and smart, which made things usually go in the ways she wanted them to go, and when they weren't she always knew how to turn the situation around to benefit her somehow.

Alya was freaking out, the conflicted look on her eyes didn't go away, no matter how many emotions crossed her face; her eyes didn't change.

Adrien imagined that inside of her mind she was asking herself a million questions and running a thousand theories, trying to solve the mysteries of death.

Furthermore, if Chloé becomes the voice of reason, it's only natural for your world to turn upside down.

Adrien was brought back to the conversation when he heard his name again.

"We lost Adrien, we can't lose you, Mari… I can't lose you, I will not be able to go through that"

"Y-you won't lose me, Alya," Marinette promised.

"Promise me"

"I promise, I'm not leaving you. I don't want to"

"Why does it feel like you are lying?"

"I'm not" It wasn't a defensive comeback

"You are…you..and, _ugh."_ Alya rubbed her temples "Just look at you, you are a mess… your feelings for Adrien are destroying you, piece by piece you are falling apart. You are like a tree in mid-autumn, and one day winter will come and all your leaves are going to fall and this empty person it's gonna stand in front of me. No happiness, no love, no Marinette. I'm afraid, I fear for you… so please, please say it again; promise me, this time for real, that you won't leave me"

"I won't leave you, Alya Césaire, not ever" Marinette took Alya's face between her hands, making the redhead look straight to her eyes as she made the promise.

Alya nodded and gave a loud sob before throwing herself to Marinette's arms.

Adrien couldn't ignore Marinette anymore, it wasn't doing any good and after Alya's words, he was just as afraid as she was.

Marinette didn't look like herself, she hadn't looked like her a week ago when he first saw her after death, and she didn't look any better today, on the contrary, she looked worst.

Marinette had always been skinny, but she was lean and fit, she always had looked healthy… not anymore, Marinette was too skinny for her own good, it wasn't an abysmal change, but Adrien could tell that she wasn't eating well. That theory gained force if you looked at Marinette's skin; she was pale like a ghost.

Adrien stopped at that, though. He looked at his own hands and found a glass to see his reflection on. He could see himself –for what he was thankful- but he didn't look any different. Marinette looked more like he think a ghost would like that he, a real ghost, did.

 _A ghost… how did his life end up to be like this?_ Okay, bad pun, he recognized it, and the timing wasn't right, Ladybug was right when she said—

"Ladybug…" His heart stopped, in the lyrical sense of it, he didn't have a pumping heart anymore

How hadn't he think about Ladybug? How couldn't he think what she was feeling after his death?

Oh my, God, she knew who she was, she had had to find out like everybody else did. Ladybug, her partner, the girl he was in love with knew he was dead. She knew he had died in an akuma attack… he didn't want to think how she was feeling right now.

They may have kept their identities secret, it was the smart thing to do after all, but they have promised to reveal them when the timing was right, after defeating Papillon, after winning and celebrating. They had it planned. Well, Adrien had it planned, and it was going to be one of the best nights of their lives, they would talk and laugh and enjoy each other's company as civilians for the first time in his life. He could have invited her on a date, a real date! But no all of it was gone, just like all his loved ones thought he was.

Adrien wanted to cry, he felt like dropping every one of his awful feelings, the ones who were eating him from the inside out, but nothing happened. Adrien Agreste couldn't cry, and that made him want to cry more.

Adrien stood in the middle of the corridor, people passing by, and thought no one could see him none of them pass through him or felt cold like movies showed. It was like they knew he was there in the middle, and changed their routes a little bit to the left, a few steps to the right.

Adrien let his body hit the ground, with his hands in fits and all the rage pouring and burning like a supernova about to collapse, Adrien screamed Ladybug's name.

He wasn't gone, not completely, but she was. She had evaporated from his life as fast she had fallen into it.

"Ladybug, Ladybug, Ladybug… _I'm so, so sorry_ " Adrien rubbed his tearless eyes and took a deep breath that he didn't need but that felt necessary to keep going.

He stood up and look to the horizon, his sight stumbling with Marinette.

Marinette was a few meters away from him, nailed to the floor with her mouth hanging open and tears running from her eyes like they were a broken sink. She was shaking and sobbing, trying to keep herself together, but failing miserably at it. Her hands were against her mouth, trying to muffle any sound and at the same time she was trying to maintain a steady breath, it wasn't a surprise that she wasn't succeeding.

What had happened? Adrien stopped looking at her for one minute and hell had turned loose in front of his eyes.

Alya was taking Marinette by her shoulders,

Marinette was out.

Adrien didn't know how to deal with this. What stage are you Marinette? How can I help?

Not the first one, Marinette was with Alya and she had acknowledged his death. Not anger, Marinette was calm in that sense. Maybe just like Alya she was barging? That made sense, Marinette could obsess over things in the same way that Alya did, but something inside of Adrien told him that this wasn't the case.

Marinette was destroyed… Could Marinette be in the fourth stage of grief? Was Marinette _depressed_? Could that happen in a week?

Adrien couldn't tell. But if Marinette was falling apart, he didn't want to think of how Ladybug was dealing with his death.

Yes, Marinette had a crush on him, which meant his feelings were quiet different from the others, but while they were close friends and they got along, Ladybug and he shared a different, and much stronger, bond.

It was essential for him to figure it out in where Marinette stood because that would help him to imagine where Ladybug could be.

But…why was it so hard to place Marinette into a category? Why was it so hard to recognize those details in her? Was because there wasn't any more of the Marinette that he knew shining on the surface? Was it because Marinette was no longer recognizable?

 _Why? Why? Why?_

He couldn't check her into one, but she was sure in which one she wasn't.

The fifth stage of grief: acceptance.

The stage everyone hopes to reach in the near future, a stage everyone chases and wants to land hands on, the stage that would take the raw pain of mourning.

Marinette wasn't at that stage, no one reached that stage because that stage is a _lie._

It shouldn't be a stage at all, more like a bonus point in the path of death, because not everyone reaches this point. Was it even possible? To accept that someone you loved with every cell of your being had just stopped breathing? It was no more smiles or tears, no more crazy stories or watching movies together, it was saying goodbye to routines and intern jokes. It wasn't just sat goodbye to a person; it was saying goodbye to the part of them who lived inside you.

You were trapped on four horrible stages that only opened more wounds that the ones that already existed, falling on a loop of pain, anger, and questions that you didn't want.

The fifth stage, the one who offered you liberation from the chains of mourning, it was a lie. You were inside grief forever, and they just used different names to categorize the pain.

The fifth stage was a lie; an unreachable goal for every one of the contestants on the race. The stage he wished all of his friends could be in was a lie.

The fifth stage is _a cruel terrible fucking lie._

 ** _xx_**


	4. FLIGHT DELAYED

There are 60 seconds in a minute, 3.600 seconds in an hour and 86.400 seconds in a day. That makes 2.592.000 seconds in a month and 31.536.000 seconds in a year.

Seconds are a short measure of time, but they are not the smallest one so you can perceive them as they pass by. You can count them and use them in your favor if you want to. But there are moments when you are not aware of them, there are moments when those little numbers become too much to handle and you stop counting them and start to look into bigger fractions of time, fractions that are easier to handle in your daily life. Because, in all honesty, no one is counting their life in seconds, we don't really perceive them in their real measure of time… how sad. Maybe if we were more aware of how important seconds are and we learned to measure them right, we wouldn't end in such horrible situations.

There are decisions that can be made in the heat of a second, those decisions change the seconds to come, the seconds that will turn into minutes, hours, days, weeks and so on. Seconds are the base of change and we are unaware of it.

A decision made in a second can twist your world for good or for bad. The repercussions of a decision made in a second can stay forever, whatever you like them or not. That's why is so important to know the weight a second can have. Sometimes a second is enough to make an important decision. There are situations where you don't need a whole second to do it, your brain goes faster than the second can run, those kinds of situations aren't ruled by logic but by instinct, for that feeling that takes over your body and blurs your common sense. So, the question is, are those really decisions? Because they don't feel like one once you look back.

For example, Adrien didn't recall taking the decision to jump out of the building two weeks ago. If he went back and tried to play the memories on his mind, there wasn't a moment when his brain thought about the situation. No, he had only seen a civilian in the building in front of him, the building that was burning down. He saw the boy scream and kick, trying to get out of the rubble he was under.

There was no time to think what he could do, someone was in trouble and he could help so that's what his instinct told him to do. He just jumped.

It hadn't been a decision, it had been pure instinct. If he had thought about it, he wouldn't have died, if he had been paying attention he would have heard her call her magical cure, he would have known that the post he was about to grab would disappear, and he wouldn't have died.

Oh… if only.

There are decisions that you take in a second, but that you are not meant to take in that short period of time.

Adrien could see it now.

In front of his eyes, the consequences of his poorly made choice were playing as he was in a cinema. He would have to keep contemplating it for all the seconds to come in the future of what he believed would be a long, long existence. The ultimate movie with no finale.

He wished he could put a stop to the suffering his friends were living, or fasten the seconds to watch them move on quickly. He wished nothing but them to be okay, especially after today.

One of the worst things of today had been Nino. To see him so angry that he lashed out at Marinette and Alya hurt. Never in a million years he would have pictured Nino as the angry mess he was today, that was the opposite of what Nino's essence. He was caring and funny, a total gentleman who would have never raised his voice to anyone, no matter how disrespectful they were being with him. God damn, Nino treated his father with respect and put on a smile for him even when he knew that Gabriel couldn't stand him. The Nino he had seen that day was a horrible version of his best friend, a version that wouldn't exist if Adrien was still alive.

This was his fault, and he wanted to fix it.

He had been thinking about it the whole day, as he watched his friends suffer. In the background of his mind, he tried to look for a solution, a way to contact them and tell them he was okay -well, as okay as he could be- and that they shouldn't destroy themselves for him. But no matter how much he gave it a thought, he hadn't come up with a good idea. He had given up already, and then… then Marinette happened.

Marinette was still in the middle of the hallway, but she wasn't standing anymore, she was on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. Her hands were no longer in her mouth but in fists against her chest, grabbing the black hoodie she was wearing. Her eyes were looking to every corner on the room like she was looking for something like she was looking for… him.

 _Could that be the reason? Was it too crazy to think that Marinette could have heard him scream?_

"Marinette!" He shouted.

He tries one, two, three times. But it is useless. Alya is right behind her, hugging her from her back and calling her name. Chloé has made another wild, and surprising apparition and is trying to bring Marinette back by talking to her. Marinette couldn't hear him even if she tried.

He was so dumb. There was no way Marinette could hear him, it was just a sad coincidence. It was just the timing.

 **xx**

After crying for what she felt like an eternity but had been only ten minutes, Marinette came back to class.

Chloé and Alya guided her through the hallways and into her classroom, making sure the agitated girl wouldn't start crying again. They kept saying it was an illusion, they kept saying it was all in her head, they kept saying she had imagined it.

Adrien wasn't there.

But she had been so sure… maybe it was bad timing, maybe when she had been thinking about Adrien calling her name he had happened to hear someone with a similar voice and she confused it.

Maybe someone had seen an actual ladybug and she had confused their screams with Adrien's voice… maybe it was her mind playing tricks with her heart.

She tried to come up with millions of excuses but nothing could kill the recurrent thoughts of Adrien's voice. A voice so desperate and raw, trying to call her attention.

Marinette wasn't sure if she wanted that to be real or not. If it wasn't then she was starting to go crazy, listening voices calling her name was something to be worried about. But, what worried her the most, as if it had been real because that meant that Adrien was still here, and that couldn't be good.

That would make him a ghost, right? And ghost were spirits that had not found redemption, or that had died when it wasn't their time… it meant that Marinette had let him die before it was his time.

"Mari," She feels Alya's hand squeezing her shoulder.

She had not realized she was crying until that moment. Their teacher is looking at her with big eyes, full of pitiful sorrow, that was the look everyone gave Marinette nowadays.

"Maybe is time for you to go home," Alya whispers in her ear.

Marinette nods. She arranges her things and leaves the classroom without saying a word.

No one calls her out, not even the teacher, they all know Marinette is better at home.

 **xx**

As she walks through the grey and cold hallways in the air lingers a presence that Marinette can't reach. It is like the wind that it's knocking the windows, making them slowly smash together, invisible but announcing its existence.

It was like in the first period, in the same hallway, but instead of being loud and calling out her name, right now it felt like it was about to touch her, but it couldn't reach her.

Marinette stops in the middle of her walk, spinning around, looking into every direction, trying to find a clue floating, announcing that there was a secret to be discovered. But the only thing around her were the lockers on the walls, the bending machines and the safety posters about to fall off due to the lack of glue.

She sighs; nothing has changed and yet nothing is the same, not anymore.

She opens her purse, trying to not feel alone, she looks at the bottom of the pink rounded bag, where two magical creatures are taking a nap. It makes her smile, at least Tikki has someone to hold her.

She takes a few steps before stopping again when she realizes Nino is going out of his classroom.

She is not mad at Nino, but she doesn't want to see him right now either; it was better if they stayed away for a while, treating their wounds without opening new ones. They couldn't afford to fight at these circumstances, time would give back their friendship at some point.

Marinette hid until Nino disappeared, being left alone in the hallway one more time.

As odd and unsettling the presence had been, she starts to miss it, to feel like there was something there, that that something could have been Adrien, males her heart jolt in the little joy that was still left in her heart, and with that the guilt.

She bites her lip and hugs her bag as close to her heart as she cans, without crashing the kwamis. She couldn't wait to go home, she needed to leave school now.

 **xx**

Adrien followed Marinette home.

He wasn't sure why he had done it but it was too late to feel any regret, the decision of turning back should have been taken minutes ago but he had decided to follow her.

After the scream, he had been sure Mari had heard him, but it was impossible, no one could, and what made Marinette so special to listen to him? It was ludicrous, it was just wishful thinking. And still, he couldn't erase the thought of his mind, so he had stayed, sitting in the same place he had been when he had shouted Ladybug's name, waiting for some answer.

That's when he saw Marinette walking home, and watching her strange behavior had convinced him to follow her.

There was something about Marinette, he wasn't sure what it was, but that something made her different to everybody else and he had to figure it out.

When he walked beside her, it felt like time had stopped around them and only Marinette had grown old, she had changed in a week what others changed in years. The timing of his death hadn't been the best for her, she had not learned everything that she needed to learn to go through a situation like this.

He felt guilty whenever he looked at her, to know that he had put this amount of pain in her tiny body made his non-beating heart crack.

Adrien saw Marinette enter the home from the back door, not the bakery as she usually did. It was obvious that she was trying to avoid her parents.

Adrien wondered how were they handling the situation. Their daughter looked deader than he did, that couldn't be a good thing for a parent to look at.

Marinette made it to her room and all strength that she had been faking disappeared. She let her body fall and crash into the wooden floor. Adrien tried to catch her but in the middle of his motion, he realized it was impossible.

Marinette sobbed, but she did not cry. She hugged her legs against her chest and she looked at a dead point in her room.

"Mari…" Adrien tried again. "Mari is me. Adrien…"

Useless. Marinette was immobile, eyes wide open, like the ones in a broken doll.

Still, he keeps calling her name. Maybe something needs to happen for her to hear him, he just has to wait for the right time.

Sadly, what caught Marinette attention is not his voice, but the bells of her cellphone. She finally moved with that. She took the device from her back pocket and pressed on it. She stood up and sighed.

She looked around her room before spinning on her heels and walk to her desk, taking with her the little pink bag she always carried.

Adrien followed.

He looked at the photos plastered on the walls and the designs hanging on the mood boards. He tried to touch the tools on top of the desk and tried to feel the texture of the fabrics laying around. He couldn't feel anything, but to his surprise, he managed to move the dust in them. He looked back to share that little bit of joy, but no one could hear him.

He was alone, even if someone was by his side. Marinette didn't know he was there, no matter how much he wanted her to hear him, she was immersed in her own little bubble. She was reading an old book, biting the tip of her thumb, fully concentrated on it.

Adrien stood behind her, so he could read what the book was about, but it was impossible. He did not recognize the signs or the language she was reading.

"I had no idea you knew another language, Mari," He whispered in her ear. Marinette did not even flinch, but Adrien kept talking. "Remember how you begged me to help me with your Chinese? You had great pronunciation but you suck at writing," He giggled "It's funny because you're great at drawing but not much at talking, so I found it-

Adrien couldn't complete his sentence, the sound of someone hitting the ground made him turn around, startled. Marinette had the same reaction.

In front of them stood a beautiful blonde girl in a superhero suit.

"Queen Bee," Adrien whispered. Remembering the existence of the superheroine. A year ago, Ladybug had brought up the idea to recruit another superhero, that would help them in particular or very difficult missions. He agreed but did not have much to do with it. Ladybug had chosen the girl and she called her whenever they needed her. He never got the chance to know her better, so the relationship was amicable but he didn't share the bond he did with Ladybug.

Now the question was: why was she here?

"You shouldn't skip school," Queen Bee said to her.

"Take your own advice next time, golden locks," The hero flicked her blonde hair at the answer, "Is this really that important Chloé?"

Adrien did not have time to process Marinette's words. One moment she had said the name, the next the heroine was flicking her hair and going back to her civilian self, revealing to be Adrien's childhood's best friend.

All this time, Queen Bee had been Chloé? Adrien chocked on air. Was that even possible as a ghost?

"Yes. After your break down Pollen and I talked a little," Chloé said, looking at the bee kwami on her shoulder, getting ready to sleep.

She rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of the desk. Looking at Marinette from there. "And I think that maybe, let's really not forget the maybe on this, okay?"

"Okay," Marinette half smiled. Adrien could kiss Chloé in that moment. Marinette had looked alive in that little second. Could she do something like that again? It had been beautiful.

"I think you might really have heard him," Chloé stated.

Adrien froze. _Heard him?_ As in him, Adrien Agreste? _Ghost Adrien?!_

"Why do you think that?" Marinette asked.

"You heard me? Mari, you heard me?" Adrien said at the same time. Talking to her as loud and close as he could.

"I saw you open your bag at that exact moment you heard it. I think you reached a perfect timing,"

"What do you mean?" Adrien echoed Marinette's words.

"They are in your bag, right?" Chloé asked. Marinette nodded.

"In the bag? Who is in the bag?!" Adrien tried to reach the pink bag on the top of the desk, but Marinette was quicker.

She opened the purse and showed the inside to Chloé. She picked with her finger and a little shout came out of it.

"They were sleeping," Marinette shouted as a big black furry body with cat ears came out of Marinette's bag.

Adrien felt like his non-beating heart had stopped.

"Plagg!" He shouted, tears forming in his eyes and streaming down his cheeks. Plagg was there, Plagg was alive! But why was he with Marinette?

"And I don't care because I have questions!" Chloé said back "You were there when Marinette had her break down, did you hear anything?"

Plagg looked down as if he was ashamed. That wasn't a usual look for him. The kwami turned around and looked straight into Adrien's eyes.

"Plagg?" Adrien stuttered. It wasn't like he was looking at a random point on the wall, he was looking at him, this couldn't be a coincidence "Can you see me? Can you hear me?"

"Hey, fur-ball, I made a question!" Chloé shouted. Marinette stood up, placed her hands on Chloé's shoulders and squeezed.

"I heard you," Plagg said, still looking at the blonde "I won't answer to you. If Ladybug wants the answers then I will provide the answers for her, but I won't say a single word to you, brat,"

"Hey!" Chloé took the kwami by his ears "Don't talk to me like that,"

"Ladybug?" Adrien asked. He looked at his kwami, then at Marinette. Could it be that… No, no, no. But what if? "Plagg, I can tell you see me, I don't know if you hear but if you do you need to answer me, please. Is Marinette Ladybug? Please answer me this, I need to know. Please, Plagg.

Adrien became unaware of the discussion between Marinette and Chloé, he couldn't hear them and he did not realize when Chloé turned back into a superhero and left the room. He did not realize when Marinette started crying and ran to her bathroom because he was only looking at his kwami. The kwami who was not answering any of the questions he was shouting, the kwami who did not move but kept looking at him without flinching or blinking.

"Plagg, please!" Adrien fell to his knees and sobbed. "Why won't you answer me?!"

Suddenly, Plagg spoke "It's not the right time,"

Adrien looked up, trying to find where he was floating before. But he wasn't there, he was once again right in front of his eyes.

"When will be the right time?" Adrien asked. This would confirm if he had imagined the answer or not.

"When you decide it is," Plagg answered. "Look back, put the pieces together and find the right time."

Adrien frowned. Decisions and timing? Wasn't those the reasons who made him meet with this situation? Weren't his decisions and the bad timing of them the reasons why he was dead today? He wasn't good with those.

He was going to be trapped forever and Plagg wasn't going to help him.

Adrien looked at the clock hanging on the wall. He could hear it tick but couldn't see it move… how was he going to know when was the right time when time didn't pass for him?


End file.
